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(no subject) [Feb. 2nd, 2005|06:09 pm]
Ever since the end of first semester i've been slacking off. I feel depressed and just can't seem to get motivated enough to finish any of my homework. I know, I know..it's only the 2nd week of second semester..but yeah. anywho..i was looking at this old jackass video Lauren, Gaby, Averil, Elena and I all did. God do I ever miss Elena. I choose to pretend like i forgot about her but I just haven't. I still love her more than I ever did. Is it weird to still truly care about someone who you haven't seen or spoken with for 6 months? In these two years of meeting new people..and having new friends..i don't think i've ever met someone who has come even close to Elena personality wise. I miss our conversations about every little thing and talking with her at 2 in the morning when I was scared to fall asleep. I miss how concerned she was about me when something went wrong. I miss laughing with her...and just her funiness. I miss crying with her..Why does it have to be Elena who I've never stoped missing? I can't look at her pictures with me..they make me want to cry. Thanks for making me realize I need to act quick and stop feeling sorry for my stupid self. Oh oh. Elena is 16. This is weird. We promised eachother that when we turned 16 we'd buy a car together....looks like that's never gunna happen. Shit..I should have called her on her birthday. That would have been so fucking awkward though.
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(no subject) [Jan. 21st, 2005|03:23 am]
today was refreshing. no school. I'm very fucking stressed right now though. i cannot talk..my mind is mash..im a fuck. i have so much shit i need to do..grr stop talkign to me...ok tomorrow i am leavinf frot the weekend to go to my bestest friends house in the whole entire world. and i get to see my aar buddy! and were going shopping..andnd eyay dude its like 3 in the mornign. and i havent stgarted my western civ essay. fuck you. im so tire.d grrr rre im gunna be a fucking wreck in the mornign. why am i typing this?? i havta go pack...and start my essay..and study for mathl. fuck stop.fuck fuck fuck. im a failure. why does this feeling always havte to prevail when im alone in my room..gere byue ill post later when im not in such a retarded, stupid mododd, later
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(no subject) [Dec. 27th, 2004|10:15 pm]
Good/ bad news: My cousin could have gotten killed in the huge tsunami but was lucky inland when it stroke. No, i am not asian if that's what you are thinking. She's living in Thailand for 6 months with a few friends. If I were her i'd get the fuck out..it must suck so bad to be her right now. One of her friends is missing and it is likely that people living there will get dieased by the water. God, I really hope she'll be okay..i love her. ok whatever. haha this guy today was like "you're abnormaly tall." and i was like "no, really no i think you're just abnormly short." Sorry, i just felt i had to tell you. He was seriously 5 feet, of course I look tall to him.
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poofuckshiter [Dec. 20th, 2004|10:15 am]
I have such a bad cold. I cant fucking talk!! FUCK CHRISTMAS..GRRRRRRR. Last night Allie, Andy, John and I went to see this shitfaced movie..but yeah anyway when we went to the public market. I saw Carly..with this girl..who I hate..and yea..shes a slut. but the point is i totally ignored Carly cause I was scared to like say anything to her..so i kept like trying to walk away from her and like...i looked retarded cause i was walking in circles and shit..seeing carly made me really sad. I miss her so fuckingggggg much. I wonder if she saw me..hmmmm i apoligize for being so low spirited lately..but thats just how i've been feeling. Drake invited me to go up to his cabin with him but i can't and i'm depressed. grrrr i hate this month with a f'n passion
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(no subject) [Dec. 19th, 2004|09:15 am]
FUCK THIS LIVEJOURNAL!!!..grrrrr. anyway, i've decided that i'm switiching to either a catholic school next year or berkeley high. i'll probably visit with my sister next semester. i'm tired of not having an actual HIGHSCHOOL experience...at my school there are literally a total of probably at the most 10 people that i like. thats just shit..i'm gonna try and get someone to switch with me..probably allie. i just can't deal with that school anymore. if my mom doesn't let me switch i'm gonna hid in a corner for 5 days. seriously..thats how much i want to leave.
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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2004|11:30 pm]
My eyes are fucking red, i'm so tired. I was literally in the car 8 hours yesterday and 8 hours today. The memorial service was nice i guess. I cried only a little bit out of sorrow for my grandma and my great aunts husband and what not. I'm sad about her death just not horribly sad. Her husband was crying and everytime I talked to him he would bring back memories of her. It was pretty depressing though seeing everyone else so sad. I got closer with Leanna. We talked for almost 2 hours just about random stuff. She's so fucking great. and pretty. and ahh..I can't believe she's my first cousin. I've never seen her cry in my life, but i saw her cry today!! It was lovely. Sad, but i dunno. It was cute. Her mom was talking about passed memories of my great aunt and I know how she has such mixed feelings about her mom yet what her mom said obviously touched her..or something. I dunno. They served jewish food and it was gross. The only good part were the cookies. We snuck a little alchi too. Leanna and I were noticing how all these little cousins of ours had like gucci purses and shit. It's so fucked up. They're like 10!
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2004|06:09 pm]
I'm going down to LA saturday morning. Last minute shit, sucks sorta cause I had plans for that night. I'm excited about the whole going to LA part but not the reason behind it. My great aunt(i guess that's what she was) died two nights ago so it's like a serviceish thing instead of a funeral. Some rabi is gonna come and there will be speeches and what not. I hope it's not too depressing. She was always so nice to me and I have good memories of last year with her which was the last time I saw her when she was healthy or at least some what. The first night of hannukah is tonight. Happy Hannukah!! Yay, presents. Eh actually I don't think i'm getting any until thrusday night cause I'm gunna be with my dad for dinner tonight and tomorrow night and hes a stupid Christian. Alright whatever. I have homework so I'm gonna go. Coheed and Cambria are frickin' awesome. Bye, bye beautiful is my fave song at te moment. Oh and I'm reading a book called TTYL and it's written in only AIM convo's. It's hella awesome, everyone should read it.
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(no subject) [Dec. 4th, 2004|01:40 am]
Have you ever:
1. Kissed ur cousin: no never
2. Ran away: haha i ATTEMPTED..i came back home 10 minutes later. it was fucking cold
3. Pictured your crush naked: doesnt everyone?
4. Skipped school: yes
5. Been in love: i guess sorta..love is a weird thing
6. Broken someones heart: i've made a boy cry!!!
7. Cried when someone died: of course. who the fuck do you think i am? i dont laugh after something so tragic as that happens
8. Wanted someone u knew u couldnt have: um.. all the time
9. broken a bone: yeah, my arm in kindergarden
10. done something embarrassing:umm duh
11. lied: yes of course
12. cried in school: yeah, not too recently but i certainly have.
Which is better:
13. coke or pepsi: coke
14 Sprite or 7up: sprite
15 girls or guys: girls
16. flowers or candy: candy..chocolate yum
17. Scruff or clean shaved: clean shaved
18 blondes or brunettes: i use to think blondes but now i think brunettes for sure
19 bitchy or slutty: slutty. i know a lot of good hearted sluts.
20 tall or shorty: showty
21 pants or shorts: pantalones
22 night or day: night
With the Opposite Sex
23 What do you notice first? eh, nothing
24 Last person you slow danced with? whoaaa i don't remember probably alex in 7th grade at the winter dance when he told me he liked me!! hahaah
25 Worst question to ask: do you ski?
Last Time you:
26 showered: this morning
27 stepped outside: about an hour ago
28 kissed someone: last week
About you:
29 Romantic memorie: collin and i making out at the movies in the summer of 6th grade. we use to feed eachother popcorn and i would lay on his lap and lick his hair. oh and another one was when we made out on my bed under the covers with candles burning. he was my first real boyfriend.
30 Good luck charm: my hair
31 Person you hate the most: theres a select few i do hate. i'd rather not name them cause i could care less about them so why take the time to talk about people i dont give a shit about??
32 Best thing that has happened: i don't know
33 On your desk: my computer, a bunch of magazines, money, a scraf, picture things
34. Picture on your desktop: whatever came with the computer
35 color: RED
36 movie: Girl, Interruped
37 artist or band: greenday, anti flag, sugar cult, ashleeaaa simpson!
38 car: faraeaee
39 ice cream: chocolate
40 food: everythinf
Do you ever:
41 sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night?: not really
42 save AIM conversations: occasinally
43 save emails: not usually
44 forward secret emails: what the fuck?
45 wish u were some1 else: much of the time, yes
46 wish u were the opposite sex?: no way. i love being a girl
47 wear cologne: hahaha no
48 kiss: yes
49 cuddle: yes. i like to cuddle with girls ;)
50 go online longer than 8 hours at a time: umm...no
Have you ever
1. fallen for your best friend? mmmhhmm
2. made out with just a friend?mmhmm
3. kissed two pple in the same day?yea
4. had sex with two different pple in the same day? noo
5. been rejected: i've never asked a guy out before
6. been in love: sorta
7. been in lust: yes
8. used someone: yes
9. been used: once
10. dumped someone: yea
11. been cheated on: yeah
12. done something u regret: oh yes
Who was the last person you:
13. touched: kathryn
14.talked to: kathryn
15. hugged: kathryn
16. Imed: david
17. Kissed: kathryn, on the cheek
18. Yelled at: my mother
19. thought about: david
20. last person to text message you: andy
21. last person to break ur heart: myself. i broke my heart after breaking up with drake
22. last person that told u they love you: myself
Have you/do you/are you
1. stolen anything: yes
2. smoke?: no
3. schizophrenic?: no
4. obsessive?: no
5. compulsive?: sure
6. obsessive compulsive?: not really
7. panic?: sometimes
8. anxiety?: a lot
9. depressed? once in a while

yes it's finally saturday even though it is 1 in the morning. All the things to look forward to: 1) i get my i pod back 2) i recieve my allowence 3) i'm going shopping 3) i'm getting my hair cut 5) i'm seeing david tonight 6) i've now been 15 for 4 months which means i should really start taking driving classes NOWWW. i'm gunna start next weekend i think.
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ughhh [Dec. 2nd, 2004|11:38 pm]
I'm so tirrreddd...I want clothes..I hate homework and refuse to do it. I've done none so far and I have SOO much. I get my i pod back Saturday!!! I'm soooo happy. My i pod is my fucking life. Yay, I get my life back. I texted Drake today, spilling out everything I feel about him and all my secerts. He hasn't texted me back so I'm feeling sort of embrassed right now. He probably thinks I'm a retard. I saw Daniel today. I miss him. I want a boyfriend right now. Eww English. Vocab. Ugh. Stupid Mythology. So boring.. hot guy in back. i can't stop watching him. He is so FINE.
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(no subject) [Nov. 28th, 2004|12:10 pm]
I'm so sad that it's Sunday. Fucking school tomorrow.I hate that school so much. At least last night put a good stop to my vacation. Fiona and I had a blast and it was great. After going and seeing the Incredibles and laughing our asses off to bug the shit out of this girl sitting in front of us, we went back to her house and opened up some of her wine. We invited a few boys over, ah so fun. I got pretty drunk. I had to walk home. It actually took me an hour even though it should have taken me about twenty minutes cause my vision was pretty distorted. I HATE getting drunk. I know it seems crazy, but its true. The wine was really good though. I talked to Kathryn after and she told me I could have died walking home and that I should have called her up and told her to come with me. She's such a great friend, I love Kathryn.
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